**EXPOSED! – Islam’s Shameful Torture Of Women! – Shame On YOU, You Suckers Of The Dajal!**

Wife Abuse in the Muslim Community
by  Kamran Memon

Wife abuse has hurt many Muslim women, destroyed many

Muslim families, and weakened the entire Muslim community.

How much longer can Muslims afford to look the

other way?

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates

from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with

them, and he has put love and mercy between

your (hearts)…” Qu’ran 30:21

“I recommend that you treat women with goodness. The best

of you are those who treat their wives the best.” Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him)

While North American Muslims loudly protest the widely-documented

Serbian abuse of Muslim women in Bosnia, the abuse of many

Muslim women at the hands of their

own husbands in North America is hidden and ignored by the community.

Domestic violence is the single major cause of injury to

women in America. “Nearly one quarter of women in the United

States – more than 12 million- will be abused by

a current or former partner some time during their lives,”

according to the American Medical Association; and,

despite Islamic teachings of justice and compassion, many

Muslim women in the United States and

Canada are no exception.

Based on information from Muslim leaders, social workers, and

activists in North America, the North American Council for Muslim

Women says that approximately 10 percent

of Muslim women are abused emotionally, physically, and sexually

by their Muslim husbands. (There are no

hard numbers, because community leaders haven’t taken the

well-known problem seriously enough to research.)

Wife-abuse, which stretches across all ethnic, racial, educational,

and socio-economic lines in the Muslim community, results in

severe emotional and physical pain

for many Muslim women, a stacking up of sins for many Muslim

men, and many weak, unhappy Muslim families

that fail to contribute adequately to the development of the

Muslim community and the rest of

North American society.

Despite the severity of the problem, the Muslim community

has largely closed its eyes and devoted very few resources to

helping the victims and stopping the abusers.

This is doubly unfortunate because family violence is one of

America’s most critical health problems (according to the

American Medical Association and the U.S. Surgeon

General), and Islamic leadership is needed to deal with this crisis;

but Muslims are clearly in no moral position

to lead society because they commit and tolerate abuse

within their own community.

FORMS OF ABUSE OF MUSLIM WOMEN

“Domestic violence is an ongoing, debilitating experience of

physical, psychological, and/or sexual abuse in the home,”

says the American Medical Association.

Although Islam promises women protection from such problems,

the reality in many Muslim homes is different.

The most common form of abuse is emotional and mental abuse.

In Muslim homes, this includes verbal threats to divorce the wife,

to remarry, or to take the kids away if she

does not do exactly as she is told; intimidation and threats of harm;

degradation, humiliation, insults,

ridicule, name-calling, and criticism; false accusations and blaming

her for everything; ignoring,

dismissing, or ridiculing her needs; neglect and the silent treatment;

spying on her; telling her she is a failure and

will go to hell; twisting Islamic teachings to make her feel worthless

because she is a woman; restricting her

access to transportation, health care, food, clothing, money, friends,

or social services; physical and social

isolation; extreme jealousy and possessiveness; lying, breaking promises,

destroying trust; etc. Emotional abuse

can take place in public or at home.

Although it’s completely contrary to the example of Prophet

Muhammad, peace be upon him, the Muslim community nonetheless

tends to dismiss the seriousness

of mental abuse, rationalizing it as a petty argument between

husband and wife, and saying it’s not serious

unless he hits her. In reality, mental abuse does severe psychological

harm to many Muslim women.

It destroys their self-esteem and makes them question their self-worth;

some have mental breakdowns and go insane.

Furthermore, psychological abuse can lead to physical abuse.

Physical abuse includes pushing, shoving, choking, slapping,

punching, kicking, and beating; assault with a weapon;

tying up; refusing to help her when she is sick or

injured; physically throwing her out of the house; etc.

Physical abuse escalates in frequency and severity.

The third form of abuse is sexual abuse, involving forced,

violent sex. For example, a wife may not want to have sex for

health reasons, but the husband may force her anyway.

These three forms of abuse are usually related and occur of a

long period of time. Muslim men, just like non-Muslims, often start

with mental abuse and work their way up.

Muslim women need to recognize the signs of escalating abuse.

WHY DO SOME MUSLIM MEN ABUSE THEIR WIVES?

There are a number of factors that make many Muslim men abusive.

Abusers are often part of a cycle, picking up the habit after

watching their own fathers abuse their mothers in North

America or in Muslim countries. And their own children

learn this abusive behavior and abuse their wives. (This is an

important point because the longer the

Muslim community tolerates abuse, the longer it will be passed

on from father to son, from generation to generation.)

For cultural reasons, some Muslim men accept the idea that

it’s normal for a man to hit his wife and that she is no more than a piece of his property.

Some Muslim husbands abuse their wives as a result of

frustration resulting from economic hardship, political oppression

experienced outside the U.S., problems with the

children, or an inferiority complex.

Some abuse their wives because they want them to be more

“modern” and less Islamic by removing their hijab (Islamic dress),

while others are abusive because they want

the opposite.

Some Muslims with superficial ties to Islam don’t know that

abuse is unacceptable due to their weak faith, poor Islamic

knowledge, and lack of interaction with the

Muslim community.

Tragically, some Muslim men actually use Islam to “justify”

their abusive behavior. Focusing on rituals, considering

themselves to be Islamically knowledgeable, and disregarding

the spirit of Islam, they wrongly use the Qur’anic

verse that says men are the protectors and

maintainers of women to go on power trips, demand total

obedience, and order their wives around. They disregard

the Islamic requirement for the head of the household to consult

with other members of the family when

making decisions.

Then, if their wives dare to speak up or question their orders,

these men misinterpret a Qur’anic verse that talks about how to

treat a disobedient wife and use it as a

license for abuse.

In reality, the Qur’an and Sunnah provide clear instructions on

what procedures a husband must use in conflict situations

where the husband is innocent and the wife is

rebellious and at fault. The first step is a peaceful discussion

between the two of them about the problem

and solutions. This is intended to soften hearts and eliminate

misunderstandings. If this doesn’t work,

the next step is for the husband to tell his wife his expectations

in a firm, decisive manner. If the rebelliousness

and disobedience continues, the husband is supposed to leave the

bed, which is really a punishment for

both of them for not being able to resolve their differences. If that

fails to solve the problem, representatives

of both sides meet to try and arbitrate. As a last resort, if he thinks

it will prevent divorce by letting the

wife know how serious he is, the husband can use a light slap on

the hand or shoulder but not on any other part

of the body, and it shouldn’t leave a mark or scar. Anything beyond this is Islamically prohibited.

This procedure is to be followed _only_ when the wife is the

cause of a serious problem and the husband is innocent,

compassionate, and well-behaved. If the husband

is the cause of the problem, he has _no right_ to do any of this.

Unfortunately, Muslim wives often accept un-Islamic treatment

from their husbands because they don’t know their Islamic

rights, and they don’t realize their husbands are

crossing the Islamic line.

Abusive men are completely disregarding the Islamic teachings

of kindness, mercy, gentleness, and forgiveness, just as they

are disregarding the example of

Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, who never hit a woman

and was extremely gentle and compassionate

with his family.

WHY IS HELP SO SCARCE?

One problem is that many Muslims don’t want to get involved in

the “private” family affairs of other Muslims. Rather than enjoining

good and forbidding evil, rather than trying

to stop abuse in a friend’s or neighbor’s family by offering to mediate

between the husband and wife

or by encouraging them to speak to Muslim counsellors, many

irresponsible Muslims close their eyes and

pretend they don’t know there’s a problem. So the abuse goes on.

Another reason why abuse isn’t stopped is that many abused

Muslim women simply don’t seek out help. They’re afraid that if

their situation becomes public they will lose

their privacy because Muslims gossip so much, and they fear the

abusers will become more hostile when

the negative publicity gets back to them. Furthermore, many abused

Muslim women remain silent because

they lack confidence in themselves and believe that they somehow

deserve the abuse. Abused Muslim

women also keep quiet out of a feeling of hopelessness and a

belief that no one will help them, out of

financial dependence on their husbands, out of a desire to keep

homes together for the children’s sake, or out

of love for the abusive husbands. Other Muslim women accept the

abuse as a fact of life and learn to live with it.

Of those who reach a breaking point and seek help, many Muslim

women turn to imams but often find them unhelpful. Imams often

tell these women to be patient and pray

for the abuse to end. Some imams make the abused Muslim women

feel guilty, telling them they have brought

the abuse upon themselves and instructing them to go home and

please their husbands. Other imams, who

are sincerely but mistakenly misinterpreting Islam by putting the

importance of family privacy above any

harm that might come to the individual woman, tell the women

it is wrong for them to discuss their problems

with anyone other than their husbands. The imams’s reactions

stem from ignorance, cowardice, or friend-ship

or blood relationship with the abusive husbands. Relatively

few imams have had the wisdom and

courage to tackle the problem head-on. As a result of this,

many abused women don’t bother turning to imams for help.

Looking for other sources of help, many abused Muslim women

have turned to relatives only to be told to accept the abuse

because making a big deal out of it could

hurt the relatives’ family honor and reputation.

Finding many imams and relatives to be more cruel than Islamic,

abused Muslim women often turn to Muslim female activists and

Muslim women’s organizations for help.

While these activists are often untrained in crisis intervention,

they are getting the abused women out of their

houses and hiding them until Muslim men can be sent to try to

reason with the husbands. They often collect

money from other women to give to the abused women until

it’s safe for them to go back home. When continued

attempts to salvage the marriages have proven futile, these

activists counsel the abused women on

how to get out of their marriages.

As for national Islamic organizations, most have largely

ignored the issue of wife abuse, neglecting to highlight the

problem and solutions during national conferences or

to devote resources to helping abused Muslim women.

Overall, the services provided by the Muslim community for

abused Muslim women take care of one-quarter of the need,

according to Muslim activists.

Because the Muslim community often leaves them to suffer,

many abused Muslim women turn to shelters run by non-

Muslims for help. (Seeing abused Muslim women at

shelters leaves non-Muslim social workers with an ugly picture

of Islam. As far as many of them are concerned,

Islam is no more just and compassionate than Christianity or

Judaism because the Muslim community tolerates

wife abuse too. Going to a non-Muslim shelter can result social

workers taking children away from troubled

Muslim homes if they think it is better for them to be in a more

stable environment, which often ends up being a

non-Muslim home.)

Many women go even further, leaving Islam altogether because

the Muslim community fails to live up to the Islamic promise of

protection, brotherhood, and sisterhood.

THE COMMUNITY’S ROLE

The Muslim community has clearly failed in its obligations to

protect many Muslim women and to bring many cruel Muslim men to

justice. The community needs to deal

much more effectively with wife abuse in order to stop the immediate

suffering of people in abusive situations

and to help build healthy Muslim families.

First, the community must accept the fact that there is a

problem and that it doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Then a core group of trusted, active Muslim men and women in

each North American city, who are committed to ending wife

abuse in the Muslim community and to strengthening

Muslim families, must become knowledgeable about Islamic

guidelines on the family and be

trained in crisis intervention and counseling. (Unfortunately, some

community “leaders” will be too ignorant

or arrogant to seek such training; but they must not be allowed

to get in the way.)

Since there aren’t yet many Muslims qualified to teach crisis

intervention and counseling, several Muslim women throughout

North America have started learning these

techniques from non-Muslim social service agencies (listed in the

phone book under wife abuse, domestic

violence, or crisis intervention). Other Muslim women and men

need to follow suit. Whatever they learn from

these agencies should be cast in the light of their Islamic knowledge

of properly functioning Muslim families.

Once they know what they’re doing, members of core groups

across the continent should recruit and train others in their

communities in crisis intervention and the Islamic

perspective on the family. There should be a network of at least

100 trained counselors in every major North

American city.

A list of trained Muslims and their phone numbers (or one Muslim

hotline number) should be circulated throughout the community in

each city so that abused women

know whom they can turn to for meaningful help.

(Most of women approaching the network initially will be physically

abused Muslims. Victims of mental abuse will less likely to reach

out at first because many have become

accustomed to the abuse and accept it as a way of life. But

educational programs at community gatherings —

explaining what Islamic family life should be like and explaining

that there is help available for abused women —

will let emotionally abused Muslim women know they have a way to stop the pain.)

These trained Muslims should give abused women shelter (at people’s

homes or at community facilities, such as a rented apartment) for

periods ranging from several days to

several months depending on the extent of the abuse, while counseling them.

(Beyond this, taking into account the fact that many Muslim women

will still turn to non-Muslim shelters because they don’t want to

deal with the Muslim community or

because the community program is not big enough to help them,

the Muslim community should sensitize

people running non-Muslim shelters to the particular needs of

Muslim women; and trained Muslims should

visit the shelters regularly and constantly remind shelter operators

that they are available to help whenever

a Muslim woman comes in.)

While caring for the abused women, the trained Muslims should

counsel the abusers separately, making them aware of the reasons

they abuse, of the fact that their actions

are truly harming their wives, that such behavior is completely

un-Islamic, and that God will hold them

accountable.

After separate counselling, the next step would be joint counselling

for the husband and wife, and then counselling for the entire family.

The objective should be to heal

the family, but divorce may be necessary.

Another option, that some Muslims in New York have tried, is

to punish Muslim men for their abusive actions. A “security force”

warns, and then beats up, if necessary,

Muslim men who continue beating their wives. Usually the abusers

get the message; this is the only language

many of them understand. Some men have to be beaten before

they wake up and are ready to listen to

rational, Islamic arguments.

Police and psychiatrists may have to be involved in severe

cases of chronic abuse.

Community education is an indispensable factor on top of all this.

Starting today, throughout the process outlined above, community

leaders and other concerned Muslims

need to educate people — about the problem and about efforts to

help victims and prevent future

abuse — through Friday khutbahs (sermons), educational seminars,

and workshops. These educational

programs can themselves reduce abuse by letting people know

the community isn’t going to tolerate it anymore.

the community isn’t going to tolerate if anymore.

Furthermore, the community needs to establish classes to

teach Muslim men, young and old, how to be proper husbands

and fathers and to teach Muslim women,

young and old, how to be proper wives and mothers. Many

Muslims don’t know their rights and obligations

in these roles.

In addition, in order to prevent future family problems,

parents and community leaders must teach children and young

adults to be compassionate, to value the family,

and to resolve problems in an Islamic, non-violent manner.

It’s also important for Muslims to go into field like psychiatry,

women’s issues law, social work, and counselling.

No Muslim community in any North American city has taken

all these steps. Unfortunately, the entire plan could take years

to implement. (Of course, that makes it

all the more necessary to start immediately.) But when theses

steps are taken, abuse should decrease if not

stop in the Muslim community, according to Muslim social

workers and activists.

If, once all these steps are taken, there are more abused

Muslim women in specific communities than these networks

can adequately help, then Muslims should

establish good quality, properly staffed, and well funded

Muslim shelters. Many communities may not need to go

this far, but some may.

DO YOU REALLY CARE?

It sounds like a lot of work, but the problem is serious enough to

warrant a lot of work. The Muslim community has shamefully

tolerated abuse for a long time. How much longer

will Muslim families (and therefore the Muslim community)

be weakened by abuse? How much longer will abusers

be allowed to run free and unpunished in the community?

How much more abuse will Muslim women have to endure

before the community decides that enough is enough?


WHISTLEBLOWER MAGAZINE
Radical Islam’s stunning wife-and-child abuse
New investigative report exposes astonishing mistreatment under Sharia


Posted: March 06, 2008
11:00 pm Eastern

© 2009 WorldNetDaily

Almost everyone agrees that there’s nothing more beautiful than a young child – the brightness of spirit, the innocence, the natural intelligence are breathtaking.

What, then, possesses an angelic little girl to chant confidently in front of television cameras: “When I wander into Jerusalem, I will become a suicide bomber”? Or a little boy to exclaim: “We will destroy the chair of the despots, so they will taste the flame of death”?

What has happened to these children in their earliest, most vulnerable and tender years to poison their souls and set many on the path ultimately to madness and murder?

What goes on in their homes, schools and mosques that induces them to strap on explosive belts and kill themselves and countless unsuspecting innocents in a pizza parlor?

How, after growing up in a home with a mother and father and brothers and sisters, can a young man suddenly stab his own sister to death – knifing her not just once or twice, but dozens and dozens of times, like a maniacal serial murderer – just because she supposedly held hands or was seen in public with a male who wasn’t a relative?

In a spine-straightening investigative report titled “CHILD SACRIFICE,” WND’s acclaimed Whistleblower magazine shines a 1,000-watt spotlight on the mind-numbing barbarism of radical Islam.


Abuse plagues Muslim women in Germany

Traditional attitudes linger, leading to forced marriages and violence

By Rachel Elbaum Reporter msnbc.com updated 5:08 a.m. ET, Thurs., May. 25, 2006

Rachel Elbaum Reporter


ProfileE-mail

BERLIN – Imagine a home with so much pressure to cook, clean and take care of younger siblings that you don’t have enough time to do homework. Imagine your parents forbidding you from going out to socialize with friends from school. Imagine running away from home at 17.

This was Leyla’s life. Born in Turkey near the Syrian border, Leyla* came to Germany at the age of six with her mother and siblings to join her father, one of the many so-called “guest workers” invited by the German government during the 1960s and 1970s. (*The women interviewed for this story spoke on condition of anonymity for reasons of safety.)

Leyla excelled in German schools, but life at home was overshadowed by her parents’ loveless marriage, verbal abuse from her father and few demonstrations of affection. It got worse when her older sister was married off and left home, and Leyla was suddenly thrust into the role of housekeeper and babysitter.

Then, after years of cleaning floors, cooking dinners and finding just enough time to finish a bit of homework, Leyla had enough of feeling like a slave and went to live in a shared house set up specifically for Turkish girls with troubled family lives.

Life away from her family was better, but it turned out her nightmare was only beginning. Leyla would shortly become one of hundreds of immigrant women in Germany — many from Muslim backgrounds — subjected to abuse, forced marriages and other violent family situations against their will.

Virginity check

After months of living on her own — and a chance to concentrate on school work and even have a social life — Leyla’s parents asked her to join them on a trip back to Turkey. “Your grandparents are sick,” they told her. “Come to see them one last time.”

Against the advice of friends and her social workers, Leyla acceded and joined her parents on the long drive to Turkey..

“As soon as we left my mother took away my passport,” said Leyla, recounting her story at a café in one of Berlin’s Turkish neighborhoods. “They told me Germany was now dead to me.”

But the most frightening part of the drive was when her parents said she would be going to a gynecologist to find out if she was still a virgin.

“I just wanted five minutes alone with the doctor, to give him a little money and get him to lie for me,” said Leyla, who at that time had slept with a boyfriend in Germany. But her plan didn’t work and the doctor confirmed her parents’ worst nightmare. Her mother went into hysterics, wailing in the doctor’s office, while her father stood there, unable to speak.

“It wasn’t until then that I realized what a shame I had brought on them,” she said.

Quickly, they arranged a marriage with a cousin, explaining to the family that she wouldn’t bleed on her wedding night as a result of a sports injury.

CLICK FOR RELATED STORY
Integration questions stir passions in Germany

“He wanted to marry me. It was a good deal for him, he wanted to come to Germany,” she said of her cousin, whom she met just once.

Her distress at the whole situation was magnified when during the meeting he attempted to kiss and touch her.

It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Hoping to avoid a marriage like her parents’, she told her father of the cousin’s unwelcome advances and he agreed to call off the match.

Eventually, with the help of her social worker in Berlin, Leyla managed to get back to Germany, and her place in what was the first shelter established for immigrant girls, enabled to her get a degree in early education and become a caregiver/counselor in a women’s shelter for immigrant girls stuck in family situations similar to her own. Now 42, she has managed to build a new life and is married to a German man.

Religion, culture, tradition

While Leyla managed to avoid a fate preordained by her family, it is impossible to know how many others are left in violent situations with few means of escape. An editor for the Turkish newspaper Hurriyet has estimated that 50 percent of Muslim women in Germany have been victims of domestic violence. In addition, forced marriages often turn into violent homes.

At the heart of the matter is a complicated dance between Germany’s inability to fully embrace immigrants, many of whom were invited from Turkey to fill labor shortages, and the immigrants’ unwillingness to let go of behaviors and traditions that appear brutal to mainstream Western Europeans.

Critics of Germany’s record with guest workers say the country has been standoffish with the new residents, leaving them clinging to their homeland’s culture for a sense of familiarity and belonging, a phenomenon particularly true among Muslim immigrants. Many Germans, meanwhile, blame the immigrants for holding on to their old ways and say the responsibility for their poor situation lies mostly with the guest workers for not making more efforts to adapt to German norms and customs.

Erik Illenseer / Special to MSNBC.com Seyran Ates, a Berlin lawyer of Turkish descent, dedicates her practive to helping immigrant women who now live in Germany.


“You can’t say [these attitudes against women are] because of one specific thing,” said Seyran Ates, a Berlin lawyer of Turkish descent who focuses on women’s rights. “Many families, who marry their children off early, want to prevent sex outside of marriage. Some are worried that here in Germany their kids will take a German partner or a partner of another nationality so they marry their kids very quickly with another immigrant or a person here they know.”

“It is an absolute mix of religion, culture and tradition,” said Ates, who was born into a Muslim family.

In part because of several highly publicized murders of Muslim women by family members for “dishonorable” behavior — along with the murder of the controversial Dutch filmmaker Theodore Van Gogh, who often spoke out about the abuse of women — there is a new willingness to discuss forced marriage and spousal violence against women taking place in Turkish and other immigrant communities.

There are about a dozen shelters around Germany that cater specifically to immigrant women, and several organizations that provide support and advice for those seeking to get out of abusive relationships. The majority of these organizations receive government support or funds in one form or another.

Two-year nightmare

At one of these shelters, the Interkulturelles Frauenhaus (Intercultural Women’s House) in Berlin, an Iranian woman, Shabnam, is still trying to recover from a two-year nightmare marriage.

The well-dressed 24-year-old originally came to Germany after marrying a former neighbor who lured her with promises of a better life than the one she could have in Iran.

He had a good job and a nice apartment in Hanover, he told her at the meeting their parents arranged in Turkey. With strong pressure from her parents to accept his proposal, and her own desire to have a husband, Shabnam found herself married at the end of his visit..

Only after her arrival in Germany did she find out her new spouse’s promises were all lies. He had no job and few plans to find one. Eventually he started drinking. And then the beatings started. If she asked why he didn’t look for work, he hit her.

Ambitious and wanting to learn German so she could get a job, she instead was trapped at home, cooking Persian food for his friends and taking care of the house.

“I couldn’t talk to him,” Shabnam said. “I was unhappy, I slept a lot, I had a lot of problems, I couldn’t think.”

After a breakdown caused by her husband’s revelation that he was moving to the United States, Shabnam landed in the hospital for a month.. A friend then encouraged her to seek help through the Interkulturelles Frauenhaus. Shabnam is now learning German, and hopes to soon begin a degree course in computer science.

Early intervention

In some ways, Shabnam is a success story.. She got the help she needed. And so have the nearly 200 other women and children the Interkulturelles Frauenhaus has assisted this year.

Advocates and caregivers agree that the best way to end these problems is to start educating children early that these attitudes are wrong.

“We need to work with all people and not just with the victims when it’s too late and they’re getting divorced,” Ates said. “We must start much earlier, in kindergarten.” But to make this possible, “we need more government support and institutionalized support. Help costs money.”

Although there are still hundreds of women across Germany seeking help from shelters, and countless more who suffer in silence, advocates are hopeful that the recent public focus on women’s issues is helping more women find help and even avoid forced and abusive relationships.

“I have a feeling that it is getting better, now there is more openness,” said Leyla. “Parents are more willing to listen to their children. Not for everyone, but slowly…”


Women Under Islamic Law

For her to be absolved from guilt, a raped woman must have shown good conduct

Torture of women under the Islamic Republic regime

Islam’s Shame – Lifting the veil of tears

TV host goes public with abuse

(From Punishment Under Islamic Law) Abuse Towards Women

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: